Your face is fucked...

I wish I started boxing when I was a child. Maybe I could have become rich from fighting. Maybe I'd have a solid fucking chin. Or maybe this would happen...


This is a photo of Fernando Vargas from his saturday-night fight verses Shane Mosley. Mosley hasn't knocked anyone out in over five years and he was fighting at Jr. Middleweight (154) and he used to be a Lightweight. Vargas has always fought at Jr. Middleweight.

I don't know what the fuck happened to his face either. After the first round it was beginning to swell and Mosley never hit him with anything that should do that to his face. After the swell began Mosley just kept at it and eventually the fight was stopped and there was really no other choice. I would love to see a rematch but Shane says he's moving back to Welterweight (147).

I think Vargas was actually in tears after the loss (well, the tears were coming from one eye) because he wasn't hurt throughout and the loss was only down by one round when the fight was stopped in the tenth. The boy just ain't got no luck. I missed the postfight interview and it greatly saddens me. Its too bad he couldn't finish. the doctors couldn't even open his eye to shine a light in there. Jesus Christ.


Fernando should get some better corner men or something.

Random thoughts about the Winter Olympics...

Olympic Hockey
Team Canada blew it and I blame Wayne Gretzky and Pat Quinn. Why didn't you take Spezza and have him on a line with Heatley? And why did you not have St. Loius, Richards, and Lecavalier on the same line? They play on the same fuckin' team in the NHL and are used to playing with each other (huh?). Why would you leave Crosby and Phaneuf back home just because they are young? When you look at the top 10 scorers in the NHL you will see that 5 are Canadian. Yet only 2 of them were on Team Canada (3 if you count Staal who never dressed, even though he is the 3rd leading scorer in the league). In my opinion, any player in the top 10 should have made the team. And finally, why in the fuck was Quinn the coach of this team? The Maple Leafs spend the most money in the NHL each year but Quinn cannot win them a Cup. This is because Pat Quinn is a loser and he always will be and because I am a Habs fan, I hope the Leafs keep him until his head is taken off by a puck. And don't go giving me this shit that he's an excellent international coach. Look at the talent he had on these teams when they won the last Olympics and whatever else he's won as Canada's coach. With the skill on those teams I could have led them to a gold medal! And I am convinced that a better coach could have inspired 2006's Team Canada to win a gold medal. Fuck you Pat Quinn.

Brad Gushue and the Men's Curling Team
Fuck the National Post or the Globe and Mail (or whatever newspaper it was) and Randy Ferbey. You assholes thought that the team of dumb Newfs didn't stand a chance. Well fuck you and you and you and you and the rest of Canada. If they weren't Newfs the media and that Ferbey loser would not have said anything about this team not being good enough. Now who's not good enough? Yup, that's right. The rest of the whole world ain't good enough, that's who.

What's the deal with figure skating?
I was watching a Chinese team do some sort of ice dancing bullshit in the Olympics and the male threw the female into the air and she wiped out and appeared to be injured. After about 7 minutes of them talking to judges and skating around to skate off the injury, they finished their routine and never made another mistake. When the scores were announced this team was in second place. I was so disgusted that I turned off the TV. How can you fuck up a trick, then take 7 minutes to regain your composure and still get second place?? It just seems ridiculous to me. They should have been penalized for taking such a long break or something. Bullshit.

Who was in charge of the opening ceremonies??
I thought the opening ceremonies were really weird. If I was on mushrooms I may have smashed the TV because I don't think I would have been able to handle it. For example, what in the hell is this thing??


Or how about this?? It reminds me of something from the Stanley Kubrick movie with Cruise and Kidman before Tom went all teeny-bopper.


And what's wrong with this guy? And what is he suppoesd to be doing? I cannot figure it out.


What's up with this dove? I thought a dove represented peace, not pure terror. Look at this thing. It belongs on the cover of a death metal album.


Now this next picture makes a little bit of sense to me. These dudes must have said "Man, this is pretty trippy shit. Maybe we should smoke a pipe load and then we might understand what's going on here." It was a noble idea, but when the Italian busted out the hash pipes he overdid it once again. And to make matters worse, the dude with the lighter-helmet in the first picture had already left because he knew Yoko Ono would soon be appearing.


The craziest thing about the 2006 Winter Olympics is that I cannot find a picture of Yoko Ono's appearance anywhere? If you have seen one on the net please leave a comment with the link. When Yoko was reading that poem I felt embarrassed for all of the people of Asian descent all over this planet. She could have at least memorized the shitty poem, but then again, she is a stupid bitch.

"Peace."

Yes, I was tricked by his gold tooth before I even saw it...

Tuesday night I got a phone call. It was my younger brother's birthday (I can't call him my little brother anymore because he's now bigger than me) and we were just about to start singing "Happy Birthday" to him when the phone rang. I wasn't going to answer it but I didn't want to sing so I picked up. On the other end was a man who sounded very accomplished and he told me he had my resume. He said I didn't send it to him but someone forwarded it to him and then he proceeded to begin his trickery.

You see, I've been sending resumes to Alberta at a feverish pace applying for jobs that are quite out of my league but I figure it can't do any harm. So when I got this call I was genuinely excited. He told me that if I got this job I had a choice: I could go to Alberta and start out making sixty-grand a year, OR I could stay in Deer Lake and make sixty-grand a year?! This really caught me off gaurd so I didn't even bother to ask any questions. He said he was hiring for a position with Combined Insurance and told me to be in Corner Brook the next day for an interview.

I get to the interview and the first thing I notice is that this man has gold tooth. I only know a few people in real life with gold teeth. Actually, I can only think of one. It was the grandfather of one of my best friends and this man was one of the most interesting and successful people in my hometown. And now that I think of it the gold tooth may have had lots to do with it. This man actually saw god at one point and I actually believe it, although I'm not sure if I believe in god.

So anyways, the gold-tooth interviewer tells me about the company, the training in Dartmouth, and so on. It all sounds like a really good opportunity until he asks me if I have a criminal record. He said "Richard, if you have anything on your record that might come up we can just talk about it now and get it out of the way." This threw me off a bit. You guys hire criminals? Interesting.

By this point I had passed an aptitude test (with flying colours I might add)and had been told about the two week training in Dartmouth. The plane ticket, hotel and food is all supposedly paid during the time that they are trying to convert you into a "salesperons."

After his shiny speech he tells me that he wants me to go out with a representative the next day to see what they do. He also tells me that only seven people applied for the job and three of them were females. "Between me and you Richard,we usually don't ever hire women" so this means I have a 75% chance of getting this job. Then he tells me about a person from Pasadena (a neighboring town) who made eighty-grand last year and is now a "District Manager." And this "manager" is younger than me. Then he tells me that there is another person from Deer Lake who I know that is applying for the job. This fellow Deer Lakian was out with a representative as we spoke, according to goldtooth.

I didn't ask many questions although by now everything was sounding too good to be true. I left the interview and went home. That evening I got a call from a friend to go out "for a drive" and who happens to be in the car but the other person from Deer Lake who applied for the job (things like this happen all the time in a small town such as mine). He told me that he never went out with the representative that day because they were a bunch of liars. Unlike myself, he asked a lot of questions to the golden man and got the answers he wanted to hear. His main question was "Is this a door-to-door sales job" and the golden man replied "No, although you may have to visit some homes but these people already have accounts with us." He left the meeting in the same spirits as myself thinking that the job seemed a little sketchy.

That night he got a call from his representative and he asked him "Is this a door-to-door sales job?" The representative, who is maybe a semi-honest man, told him it was.

So I learned a few valuable lessons through this whole experience such as the fact that Combined Insurance is a company based on lies and that one must move to Alberta to become rich. It just cannot be done here even if you work for a company owned by Aon which has 27 billions dollars in assets.

I also learned that just because a man has a tooth that is made of gold, we cannot assume he has a heart that is made of gold (although we can probably assume he has a watch and a few other items that are indeed made of gold).

But the most important thing I learned through this event is that you should always sing happy birthday to a sibling and if the phone rings just ignore it. You will be better off in the end.

I'm not the only one yearning to be rich…

I've recently had some correspondence with one of my high school friends. She does not live in Alberta (although her boyfriend lives in Texas which is like Alberta times ten!!!) but she is a contributing member of society. This girl (well, I guess she's a woman now…. weird) is a nurse and she wants to be rich too. She realizes some of the same things that I have realized lately such as "I wanna do things in my lifetime and it turns out that I will have a much easier time doing these things if I become rich." Bango!! That statement is right on the money. But that statement is not complete. So okay, let's imagine you manage to become rich. Is that enough to do the things you want to do in your lifetime? I'm sorry to say that its not. There's one important thing that still needs to be achieved and I will impart that to you on behalf of my nursing friend.

She said "I love being a nurse but I don't want to work that hard forever and that's where nursing eventually gets me, old and still working." And you know what? That is where teaching will get me. And chances are that is where your profession will get you! I will be 55 years old and still working and I won't be rich even though I worked for 30 years! Can you imagine working for 30 years and still not being rich? There is something wrong in our society for this to happen and I plan on exposing this legal injury.

Now I have to make a quick u-turn on the subject matter of this post. My new focus will be Easter Island. This place is much like Alberta and I may be the first human being to have the pleasure of muckraking the similarities.

First I must explain how this all relates to me becoming rich. Ever since I saw my first pictures of Easter Island I have wanted to have a Moai of my own. Below is a picture of a couple of my Moai friends.


They may weigh more than 20 tons and can be more than 20 feet tall. It is my goal to one day place a Moai in front of my home; a home that will be a mansion if everything works out how it is supposed to work out. So now that we have that out of the way, I will explain the Alberta/Easter Island relationship.

Alberta is an oil-rich region and Easter Island was once a region with rich, full forests. In order to erect and transport the Moai the Easter Islanders would use trees. They eventually ran out of trees and were left with nearly 900 hundred beautiful stone statues. In Alberta, they use oil for many purposes but the main purpose is for transportation and the creation of energy. Once this oil is all used up the Albertans, like the Easter Islanders, will have drained their most valuable resource. But there is one major difference: The Albertans will have no statues to show how they raped and pillaged their own land. There will simply be a bunch of rich Newfies heading back to their own Easter Island (A.K.A. Newfoundland) to begin the construction of their own Moai statues. The Albertans are not aware of this plan and I intend to keep it that way.


The topic of Newfies and the Birdman Cult is another subject that is explicitly linked to both Alberta and Easter Island. The Birdman Cult involved the clans on Easter Island in an annual contest that determined what clan would control the distribution of food for the upcoming year. My explanation may be somewhat simplified but it sufficient for my discussion here today. Each clan (similar to a Province in Canada) would choose one man to participate in the contest which involved swimming to a nearby island called Moto Nui and returning to Easter Island with an unbroken egg of a sooty tern. The first man to bring back an egg would have much power and respect over the next year, although much of it would have to be spent in ritual seclusion.

When relating all of this to becoming rich, we have to view Newfoundland as Easter Island and see Alberta as Moto Nui. The Newfy has to go to Moto Nui and get his hands on that elusive sooty tern egg. Once he gets this egg in his possession he is the ruler of his own destiny and may return to his own island and rule it.

Obviously, the egg represents both money and oil because both are essentially the same thing anyway. They can both make you rich and they can both be very hard to find. This tells me that it is quite normal to leave your own island in search of money and power. The story of the Easter Islanders gives me the inspiration to leave this island and begin searching Alberta for my own sooty tern egg.


The most distant island is Moto Nui;
The picture was taken from atop of Easter Island.
The only thing that gives me a shade of doubt is that chickens and rats became the leading items of diet on Easter Island and there are hints at cannibalism occurring, based on human remains associated with cooking sites, especially in caves.

But hey, even a rich mans gotta eat right?!

Surviving a grizzly attack in Alberta...

In my endeavors to become a success there are a few things that I have to learn. One of them involves Grizzly Bears. I know very little about the wildlife that lives in Calgary but I am not one to take chances. I have a few friends who have planted trees in British Columbia (for you non-geography buffs out there, B.C. is just west of Alberta and the two provinces are adjacent) and they have told me many stories about bears. None of these stories involve people getting harmed by a bear but why take a chance.

With this in mind, I downloaded a 1976 film brilliantly titled "Grizzly."


I learned a few things from this film.

1. A Grizzly Bear will kill its prey and then bury it in a shallow hole. The bear does this because it is not very fond of fresh meat and so it allows the meat to rot a little before consuming it.

2. Because the Grizzly buries its food, it is a good idea to play dead after being attacked (assuming of course that you are still alive). After you are buried the Grizzly may go hang out somewhere else while it is waiting for you to rot. Once you feel that the Grizzly is at a far enough distance you can attempt to make your escape.

3. Grizzly bears would make very good soldiers. They have very thick skulls and a bullet will likely not penetrate to the brain. I learned the most effective way to kill a Grizzly from watching the film: You must shoot the bear with a rocket launcher.

With this information in tow, I now feel much safer about moving to Alberta to become rich.

What's really important...

Okay so today I had a bunch of shit I was supposed to get done but I got all caught up on one of my favorite websites East Side Boxing.

There is a fight coming up between Zab "Super" Judah and "Pretty Boy" Floyd Mayweather. Judah lost his last match to a bum from Argentina yet he still gets a shot at Mayweather? Mayweather is considered the best pound for pound boxer in the world right now and Zab is the most undeserving, over-rated boxer in the game. I've spent the last two hours posting on a forum about this fight and I really feel that I've accomplisehd something today. Alberta can wait. Boxing is what is important.

So based on my hatred for Zab "Pooper" Judah I am now going to go and watch a few of his fights just see him do his chicken dance. I am sure that this will somehow payoff in the end and help me achieve my goal of becoming rich. They say you have to stick with your instincts right?

Blogs are stupid, but is so everything else..

I just finished my university degree and you know what that means? It means that I no longer get free money in the form of the "student loan" and now I have to work in order to get by. This is a concept that is somewhat foreign to me and because I am not quite ready to join the "labour force" I decided I'd just move home with my Mom and Dad.

This has also been problematic because I am simply not used to living in a fully-functional household where meals are served at a specific time each day and rooms are expected to be kept tidy. I have to admit that I am somewhat of a neat-freak in my own way but it does not correspond with my mother's version of cleanliness. There are many other challenges as well such as maintaining a civil relationship with my brother, getting out of bed before my father arrives home for lunch, and not being able to just laze around watching boxing DVD's while getting fried all day.

What makes this a little bit ironic (well no, I'm not sure if this is irony but anyway) is that I am a certified Primary/Elementary Teacher yet I find living with a functional family somewhat difficult. I also find the thought of getting a job a little bit scary but I know I have to do it. And "knowing" this is what will enable me to actually succeed once I finally get the ball rolling. I've just been living a life for too long that was based on a simple business philosophy that goes something like "minimum input to get maximum output." For me, it went more like "minimum input to get adequate results." In other words, I am the posterboy for underachieving but I always managed to progress (or at least not fall behind). I never flunked out of university (I only failed one course) but I never excelled either. I came out of high school with scholarships and high expectations but I finished my educational career with no expectations because by the time I had finished I didn't even know why I started. I just keep telling myself "summers off Richard, summers off."

And to conclude my first blog I will just say that blogs are stupid and so am I.