I'm not the only one yearning to be rich…

I've recently had some correspondence with one of my high school friends. She does not live in Alberta (although her boyfriend lives in Texas which is like Alberta times ten!!!) but she is a contributing member of society. This girl (well, I guess she's a woman now…. weird) is a nurse and she wants to be rich too. She realizes some of the same things that I have realized lately such as "I wanna do things in my lifetime and it turns out that I will have a much easier time doing these things if I become rich." Bango!! That statement is right on the money. But that statement is not complete. So okay, let's imagine you manage to become rich. Is that enough to do the things you want to do in your lifetime? I'm sorry to say that its not. There's one important thing that still needs to be achieved and I will impart that to you on behalf of my nursing friend.

She said "I love being a nurse but I don't want to work that hard forever and that's where nursing eventually gets me, old and still working." And you know what? That is where teaching will get me. And chances are that is where your profession will get you! I will be 55 years old and still working and I won't be rich even though I worked for 30 years! Can you imagine working for 30 years and still not being rich? There is something wrong in our society for this to happen and I plan on exposing this legal injury.

Now I have to make a quick u-turn on the subject matter of this post. My new focus will be Easter Island. This place is much like Alberta and I may be the first human being to have the pleasure of muckraking the similarities.

First I must explain how this all relates to me becoming rich. Ever since I saw my first pictures of Easter Island I have wanted to have a Moai of my own. Below is a picture of a couple of my Moai friends.


They may weigh more than 20 tons and can be more than 20 feet tall. It is my goal to one day place a Moai in front of my home; a home that will be a mansion if everything works out how it is supposed to work out. So now that we have that out of the way, I will explain the Alberta/Easter Island relationship.

Alberta is an oil-rich region and Easter Island was once a region with rich, full forests. In order to erect and transport the Moai the Easter Islanders would use trees. They eventually ran out of trees and were left with nearly 900 hundred beautiful stone statues. In Alberta, they use oil for many purposes but the main purpose is for transportation and the creation of energy. Once this oil is all used up the Albertans, like the Easter Islanders, will have drained their most valuable resource. But there is one major difference: The Albertans will have no statues to show how they raped and pillaged their own land. There will simply be a bunch of rich Newfies heading back to their own Easter Island (A.K.A. Newfoundland) to begin the construction of their own Moai statues. The Albertans are not aware of this plan and I intend to keep it that way.


The topic of Newfies and the Birdman Cult is another subject that is explicitly linked to both Alberta and Easter Island. The Birdman Cult involved the clans on Easter Island in an annual contest that determined what clan would control the distribution of food for the upcoming year. My explanation may be somewhat simplified but it sufficient for my discussion here today. Each clan (similar to a Province in Canada) would choose one man to participate in the contest which involved swimming to a nearby island called Moto Nui and returning to Easter Island with an unbroken egg of a sooty tern. The first man to bring back an egg would have much power and respect over the next year, although much of it would have to be spent in ritual seclusion.

When relating all of this to becoming rich, we have to view Newfoundland as Easter Island and see Alberta as Moto Nui. The Newfy has to go to Moto Nui and get his hands on that elusive sooty tern egg. Once he gets this egg in his possession he is the ruler of his own destiny and may return to his own island and rule it.

Obviously, the egg represents both money and oil because both are essentially the same thing anyway. They can both make you rich and they can both be very hard to find. This tells me that it is quite normal to leave your own island in search of money and power. The story of the Easter Islanders gives me the inspiration to leave this island and begin searching Alberta for my own sooty tern egg.


The most distant island is Moto Nui;
The picture was taken from atop of Easter Island.
The only thing that gives me a shade of doubt is that chickens and rats became the leading items of diet on Easter Island and there are hints at cannibalism occurring, based on human remains associated with cooking sites, especially in caves.

But hey, even a rich mans gotta eat right?!