Some people take things too seriously...

I've listened to metal since I was a child. A few years ago I discovered what is known as Norwegian Black Metal. Basically, its just a form of metal that is much more raw and simple, as opposed to "regular" metal which is polished and technical. These bands are mostly from Norway and the scene began in the late 80's / early 90's.

The singer of the band Mayhem killed himself. He slit his wrists and then blew his brain out with a shotgun. He called himself by the name Dead. A fellow band member Euronymous found his body in his house. Before notifying the police they went to a local store, bought a camera, and took some pictures. These photos later appeared on a bootleg album. The suicide note simply read "Excuse all the blood" which is ironic because Dead was often accused of having a sub-par sense of humour. Before leaving the suicide scene, Euronymous took some of Dead's skull and brain, which he later turned into necklaces and dinner, respectively. Mayhem are considered one of the cornerstones of the second wave of Black Metal which reached its peak in the early to mid 90's.


A short while later famous churches began being burned to the ground. Many of these were over 1000 years old and were a great pride to Norway. The band Burzum (a band consisting of one person by the name of Varg Vikernes) went so far as to put a picture of the Fantoft Stave Church on the cover of their album "Aske" (meaning 'ashes" in Norwegian).


Varg Vikernes was later accused with this church burning (and others) and many suspect that he actually took the picture after he watched the church burn. The first 1000 copies of "Aske" included a free zippo lighter bearing the same image as the record. The message was quite scary, but it fits in perfectly with the music (which is some of the most twisted, emotional, and powerful music I've ever heard).


Burzum released a few records and many other bands followed, along with more violence. Euronymous's band 'Mayhem' had nearly completed their masterpiece album "De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas." Dead was supposed to sing on this album but he killed himself two years too soon, although he had all of the lyrics written. The recording was moving a snails pace but the band finished the album in 1993 with a replacement singer and they picked up Varg to play bass.

The album was about to be released when Varg killed Euronymous, who was viewed as the leader of the scene because he owned Helvete (a store in Oslo which translates "Hell") and he began Deathlike Silence Records. He was stabbed over 30 times because he owed Varg money from Burzum records. Varg later said he killed him because Euronymous wanted to have a Satanic image. To Varg, Satan was a product of Christianity and this was the greatest enemy to both Norway and Vikernes. If you want to be Satanic, you are a part of Christianity so he had to die. Varg believed in Paganisn and the old Nordic God's such as Odin, the same gods of the Vikings.

Below is a poem entitled "Aske" written by Varg Vikernes (these are not lyrics on the album, just a poem). This sums up a lot about Varg's beliefs and his motives; and also Burzum, and the whole Black Metal scene. For some reason, I can relate to this little diddy (maybe its my blond haired, blue eyed, Viking demeanor, or the fact that I've been living at home in Deer Lake for too long).

"ASKE"

That fire
Which never burns out
Which yet burns very low
Which flickers out

Yet there remains
Always beneath the ashes
Embers
Which smoulder and wait
For one to bring
Dry Twigs and wood

Red-hot embers
Dreaming of becoming
A fizzling crackling fire
Once more

And such is the fire
Burning within ourselves.
Euronymous's father, unlike myself, doesn't relate to Varg's ideation and wanted Varg's bass tracks removed from his murdered son's album. Hellhammer (Mayhem's drummer) clamed that they re-recorded the basslines but this never actually happened and you will still hear Varg's bass if you buy the album today.

Over 50 churches were burned, a few more people were murdered, and the records sold better than ever. Today, Black Metal is often referred to as Norway's biggest export. It's too bad that many of the artists who began the scene are now dead or in jail and they can't even enjoy their money.

And I know you must be asking yourself "Where's the punch line already Richard?" Well, its coming up. Below I have a link to a couple of pages that are fucking hilarious. After all of these murders the scene exploded and many people got in on the act of being wretched vile human being. Everyone soon realized that in order to sell records we have to out-do everyone else in the category of PURE FUCKIN'EVIL.

TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BLACK METAL PICS OF ALL TIME

(THE OTHER)TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BLACK METAL PICS OF ALL TIME

I'm not even sure if normal people will find this shit funny but I nearly pissed myself when I saw some of these pictures. I am familiar with most of the bands on the lists which could have contributed to my personal entertainment. What you have to remember about most of these pics is that these people take this shit seriously. Very seriously.

After little deliberation, I've decided I'd much rather meet up with a Gangsta Rapper than one of these guys. I'm sure gettin' shot would be a lot less painful.